


into the wild adult yonder

by badAquatic



Series: Trailerstuck [88]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, F/F, F/M, Fan Offspring, Illustrated, M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 07:33:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6414652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badAquatic/pseuds/badAquatic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a tough year of struggles, it all comes down to this. It's finally the end for Karkat Vantas. The end....of highschool. </p>
<p>Takes place after 'a scarlet letter'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the final step

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this is so late and there's only one image. I'm still dealing with illness. 
> 
> Previously on Trailerstuck:  
> Dave learned about his past and that Leder is a terrible place to live for everyone who isn't a human male. He decides against telling Nessie the truth, even when she gets older because her life will be difficult enough due to her mutations.

**== >Be Karkat at the end of May  **

“How do I look?” you ask.

“Like you’re getting ready to teach Potions.” Dave says.

You punch your kismesis in the arm. “Seriously, how do I look? I don’t think the cap fits.”

“It’s more like your crazy hair doesn’t fit the cap.” Dave steals the cap off your head and puts it on Nessie. The baby frowns as the cap slides over her head.

“She’s eighteen years too young for that.” You sigh.

“I know but it looks hilarious.” Dave aims his iHusk at his daughter. “Nessie! Look at Daddy!” The baby laughs looking up. The iHusk _clicks_ and Dave grins. “She’s a born celebrity.”

“She’s going to grow up to hate cameras because her father won’t stop taking pictures of her.” You say, taking your graduation cap back.

“ _Kaaaa._ ” Nessie giggles, reaching out her chubby arms to you.

“Oh no. I’m not picking you up so you can grab my horns again.” You growl. Nessie laughs in a very Strider fashion: full of future mischief.

“Karkat, you’re freaking out about nothing. All we’re getting is our diplomas that mean jackshit in the grand scheme of things.” Dave picks up Nessie and kisses her. “Right, Nessie? You’re going to be with Uncle Jake and Dirk while Mom and Dad dress like wizards and get a useless piece of paper.”

“You can quit it with the coolkid act, Strider. You’re just as nervous as everyone else. You just don’t want anyone to see it.” You unzip your gown and fold it back into the plastic bag. You can’t wear it too long in the heat without it stinking like sweat.

“I’m glad this shit is over. No more high school drama. No more mandatory school meetings. No more NJCocksuckers.”

“Yeah, but we have a lot of memories there. I’ll miss that ugly building.”

“You’re already nostalgic? _Please_.” Dave rolls his eyes, now in full-blown cynical mode, “High school is bullshit and the only people that enjoy it are anime nerds and uncreative fanfiction writers.”

“Gods, you are just like Sollux. If you were a troll, you two would be brothers.”

Dave smirks. “Well, he is handsome enough to be a Strider.”

You grin at the thought of a human Sollux. Would he dye his hair two colors? Would he still has crowded teeth or braces? Still, you would miss the psionic flicker in his eyes and the red-blue pulsations of his arteries.

“Oh my gods! You should see your face!” Dave laughs

The heat rises to your face. “Shut up! I can think about people being attractive!”

“Yeah, but you can’t admit it to their face.” Dave snickers, “Karkat, just admit you like him.”

“‘Like’? We’re graduating and you still go by that bullshit terminology?” you scoff.

“It’s been _months_ and you two have been ‘hanging out’ almost every night. Don’t tell me you haven’t considered getting your platonic or maybe-not-very-platonic-at-all snuggle on.”

“Most of these nights I’ve been grubsitting for Eridan. Not really the romantic candlelit dinner _you’re_ picturing.” You can’t remember the last time you saw your half-brother fully awake. Eridan started working third shift to pay off the bills from his last hospital visit. Your interactions with Sollux are usually limited to reminding the stupid yellowblood to stop coding and eat food that isn’t ramen.

“I can’t see Sollux doing candlelit anything, or you. Though I can see you in a cocktail dress.”

“Why a cocktail dress?”

“You have the shape for it. And the tits.”

You stomp to the bedroom so you can put away the gown. “I hope Nessie’s first words are something embarrassing with all the shit you spew around her!”

“She’s only three months old. She can’t mimic words like your brats.”

When you return to the living room, Dave has Nessie in his lap. Nessie’s eyes are half-open. The good thing about human babies is that they’re less rambunctious. Five more minutes she’ll be down for a long nap and you won’t have to worry about her being in your space for a while.

“They’re not ‘my brats’.” You say, making sure to keep your voice soft so Nessie won’t be startled. “Khanie has your brother and…Arthat has Vriska.”

“Speaking of Arthat, shouldn’t you be visiting him?”

“Yeah, I know. Places to be. Things to do.” You put on your sandals. “Need anything while I’m out?”

“We’re outta apple juice and _no,_ it’s not just me chugging it.” Dave points to Nessie just as she tips over, asleep. “Also, milk.”

You make a note in your iHusk. You were in the trailer last time when Dave went through apple juice withdrawal. Not a pretty sight.

Three-month-old Nessie is a lot easier to live with than newborn Nessie. Newborn Nessie was a screaming nightmare that looked like a sick, hairless monkey. Now she’s a lot cuter and easier to handle. You have no idea if she thinks you’re a troll or a really ugly human, but she smiles and reaches out for you all the same. She’s a sweet kid who likes you.

You can’t say the same for your _actual_ son. As soon as Arthat sees you, he dives under the couch. Snippy crawls after him, protecting his charge.

“Non! Non! Non!” Arthat hisses.

You sit next to the couch. “Still hate me, huh?”

“Oui!” Arthat yells.

“It’s not like he sees you every day. Or every _week_.” Vriska applies her lipstick while looking in her compact.

“Hey, I’ve been busy finishing senior year the traditional way. I think I shaved five years off my life finishing that stupid essay.” you say, “What are you dressing up for? Another photo shoot on a yacht?”

“No. Another dumb fundraiser.” Vriska snorts, “I bet the people there don’t even know what it’s for as long as they look like they care. _I’m_ not even sure what it’s for.” She shrugs. “Probably helping and yet another pointless genocide or brutality in New Egypt or Derse.”

“It seems every time that part of the world is on the news, people are getting mass murdered. How are there any people _left_? And I can’t keep one disaster straight with the other.”

“I don’t bother. My concern is posing with whatever wrinkly bulge is giving the most money. All I ask is that they not hit on me. Not when I’ mold enough to be their _daughter_.” Vriska shudders.

You smirk. “Isn’t _Hecuba_ old enough to be your mother?”

“She’s old enough to be my great-grandmother and that’s neither here nor there. How’s your job situation?”

You’re still miring through the hellscape that is temp work. There’s no worse feeling than going into a crappy job highly aware that the employers won’t hire you because it’s cheaper to have a random drudge than a regular worker who will demand insurance and union benefits. You’ve driven taxis for drunk tourists, was bitched at for online customer service, filed away hospital paperwork, and did data input for hotel reservations. If it wasn’t for the carpal tunnel, the uncomfortable headset, and hours spent in a miserable cubicle, it wouldn’t be a bad job.

“I fucking hate _cubicles_.” You grunt, “Do you know what I found funny yesterday? A Dilbert comic that this lady next to me has inside her cubicle. Fucking _Dilbert_ , Vriska! The bottom rung of humor!”

“Oh yes. How much you suffer, Karkat. Surely your plight of Dilbert comics can compare to the abused, starving children of Derse that are constantly fighting wild dogs for food.”

“Like your complaints are any better! Your only problem is being surrounded by hot people.”

“ _Insecure_ hot people who throw hot coffee if you dare give them a soy latte with whole milk.” You snicker but Vriska looks at you, “That wasn’t a joke. The company’s being sued by ten different people in relation to scalding from hot coffee. It’s my own personal hell.” She smiles. “And yet, the entertainment value makes it worth it. I think I understand the appeal of reality TV.”

“Hell truly is other people.” You snort, “I’ll be glad when the bar is built. By October at the latest, I’ll be serving up food and mixing drinks. And the bar will need bouncers, bartenders, janitors...”

“At least you’ll have a steady job.” Vriska pauses and closes her compact. “I mean it. I’m glad you went out there and found steady work. Does the rest of the neighborhood know yet?”

“If you mean people outside our increasingly closed-off group, then yeah. There was a town hall meeting about it. It went fine until some old guy started ranting about ‘radioactive krauts’ moving into the neighborhood. A lot of Germaniums are leaving the Squalor so...”

You shrug. You don’t care whether the new neighbors are Germanium immigrants. Not all Germaniums are Cherubs and whatever anger was stirred up during the Great War wasn’t passed down into your generation.

“I’m thankful the park has a new owner and they’re not an asshole or one of the DD’s self entitled douchebag relatives.” You say, “It won’t be perfect but it’ll be _better_. Are you going to the graduation ceremony?”

“As much as I’d rather not see those douchebags from our class ever again, Mom will be there and she’s waited for this _forever_ for this. And the whole thing with Eukary…” Vriska frowns.

Eukary’s egg is yet to hatch but no one is optimistic. You think even Aranea doubts that her grub is going to hatch.

“Doing something you don’t like for someone else’s happiness?” You smirk, “You sure you’re the real Vriska?”

Vriska glares at you, knotting her hands on her hips. “I love my mother. I would do _anything_ for her. We may not get along but she sacrificed a lot for me and she… _understands_ things in a way no one else ever will.”

“I’m sure Arthat appreciates you the same way.”

“I don’t care if he appreciates me. I just want him to be happy.” Vriska sits next to you on the floor. Arthat squeaks and crawls out from the couch and into her lap. She smiles and strokes Arthat’s back. “My sweet, perfect boy...”

“He’s our perfect boy.” You reach out to pet Arthat but he snaps at your fingers. “Alright not today, but _someday_ I’ll get a hug.”

“Karkat...” Vriska chews her bottom lip, “...once Arthat is molted, you should take him for the summer.”

“ _Really_?” Then you’re suspicious, “What made you change your mind?”

“Don’t get me wrong: I still hate the idea of my baby being in the Ninth Ward, but summertime is going to be crazy busy. I might be heading out of the region, or even overseas!” She grins and you know she’s daydreaming of lounging on yachts and drinking martinis at fashion shows. “But, I can’t leave Arthat alone for weeks on end. Snippy can’t buy his own food.”

Your heart sinks. “So I’ll be babysitting the _bug_?”

“You’ll be _bonding_ with your son _and_ you won’t have to change your work schedule.”

You sigh. That’s definitely a benefit but Snippy stands between Arthat and you when it comes to bonding. You can only hope things will be different once Arthat molts. When you return to the Ninth Ward, your mood sinks further. You pick up Strider’s requested items and drop them off before heading to your old trailer.

Of course Terezi isn’t home because this day can’t stop shitting on you for one second.

“She’s with her mother,” Kankri tells you, “taking care of some legal things. You’re welcome to wait. It’s just Kempie and me watching _Cutthroat Kitchen_.”

Kempie is sitting on the couch mesmerized by a cooking show. You’re too irritable to go back to Strider so you flop next to your half-brother.

Kankri sits on the other side of Kempie. The mutantblood grub squeaks and climbs into his lap. “I take it the visit with Vriska didn’t go well.”

“What makes you say that?” you grunt.

“You only get this depressed after seeing her, or rather, seeing Arthat.”

“He’s Vriska’s son. She can do whatever she wants.”

“If you insist.” You expect to hear _I told you so_ but instead Kankri smiles, “You know, this time last year we were at each other’s throats.”

“With good reason.” You snort.

“Y-yes...” the older mutantblood sighs, “…I certainly wasn’t making this house a home with how I was behaving. My point is that...things change. Your relationship with Arthat will improve with time.”

But how long will you have to wait? Arthat won’t be a grub for long or a cuddly kit. You look at Kankri and see concern mixed with guilt in his expression. Now you feel like an asshole for bringing up his alcoholism.

You sigh. “You had a problem…and so did I. I was angry all the time and wanted everybody to feel as miserable as I did. I don’t even remember why I punched Eridan.”

You don’t think you ever apologized to Eridan either but given all the shit that’s happened, apologies have piled up on both sides. It’s easier to let things slide under the apology-laden mantle of ‘brotherhood’ and leave it.

“You do seem to have less trouble expressing yourself these days. The Karkat I knew wouldn’t be sitting here talking to me so reasonably.”

“I still don’t like you. I don’t think I’m _ever_ going to ‘like’ you, but I... _understand_ you.” Kankri smiles and you know that’s all Kankri has ever wanted: for people to understand. “Do you think things would have been different if Grandpa hadn’t died?”

“I don’t entertain that train of thought.” The older mutantblood’s tone shifts from casual to precise and clipped, “The dead are dead and that’s all that matters...” He sighs, “Why did you bring this _up_ , Karkat?”

You don’t know why. _The dead are dead,_ you repeat but the words never seem to sink in.


	2. pants and catfish

**== >Karkat: Be Tavros at the same time **

After five minutes of struggling with the zipper, you surrender and peel the material off. “Great. Two days before graduation and the pants I picked out don’t even fucking _fit_!”

“I _told_ you they wouldn’t.” You toss your pants at your matesprit’s head. Gamzee pulls them off with a shrug. “I don’t see what the big deal is. You gained a little weight. So what?”

“It is more than a little weight! I used to be a size 24! Now I’m _27_!”

Gamzee shrugs and plops the pants on Torken. Torken squeaks and runs around, trying to escape the fabric.

Torken is your son (well, your _second_ son but now isn’t the time to think about that) and you _love_ him. He’s an adorable grub despite being moody and likes to terrify you by climbing on the top of shelves and refusing to come down.  

“You do realize I’m size 34, right?” Gamzee asks.

“You’re _way_ bigger than me!” you insist, “And Gamzee, don’t put stuff on Torken.”

“But it’s hilarious.” Gamzee snickers. Torken leaves the pants with a growl. The grub bolts over and headbutts his father in the stomach, horns first. Gamzee grunts, falling over. “Ow! You little shit!”

“I _warned_ you.” You sit on the bed and watch Torken climb onto Gamzee’s face. “Gamzee, what are you wearing to graduation?”

“Does it matter? I’ll be wearing that stupid witch gown. I might as well go buck ass naked underneath.”

“Please don’t do that.”

“That was a _joke_.”

“I wouldn’t put it past you to think ‘joke’ equals ‘great idea’.”

“I don’t still don’t see the point of— _ow._ Torken.”

Torken’s newest past time is gnawing and tugging on Gamzee’s dreadlocks. You have to help your matesprit dislodge your son’s fangs from his hair. The grub whines when you pick him up but you give him his pacifier, which calms him down.

You hold your son and say, “You know...you and I are going to be the first high school graduates in our hemofamilies.”

“I know. Still don’t care.” Gamzee rubs his aching head. “I’m ready to shave this shit off if kids keep pulling on them.” 

“Why?”

“Because I’m tired of headaches?”

“I meant _graduation,_ you dork _._ ”

Gamzee shrugs. “Because that piece of paper won’t guarantee me a good job or a place to live?”

“But you _made_ it,” you emphasize, “and you came really far. Has anyone said they’re proud of you?”

Gamzee rolls his eyes. “Fef would write ‘I’m proud of you’ in the sky if she could. What does it matter how far I’ve come? I still did a lot of fucked up shit.”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be loved or have your achievements celebrated.” You had to talk with Feferi for hours about the right words to say when he gets like this. When Gamzee doesn’t answer, you touch his shoulder. “Is this about Nepeta?”

Gamzee looks away. He doesn’t like to talk about Nepeta or Simham. Losing the olive grub under the trailer was the final nail in the coffin for that kismesistude. Honestly, you consider it an improvement but you know not regularly seeing Simham takes a toll on Gamzee. Of course your matesprit won’t talk about it. You have to trust Feferi on that front.

“Well, I can’t speak for anyone else, but you helped me when no one else could.” You say.

Gamzee smiles. He leans in, kissing you. “I would kill those fuckers all over again for you.”

You smile. “I think you meant to say ‘I love you’.”

“I like what I said better.”

Torken growls, trying to get away. You stand, maintaining a good grip on him. “I’ll take the pants to Kanaya.” You hold Torken up to your face, “Who wants to go see Aunt Feferi and Kanaya?”

Torken hisses and shows you his tiny fangs. It makes him look more adorable than intimidating.  

You pat your son on the head. “Well, too bad! You’re going.”

 

Torken growls the entire walk to the Peixes trailer. You have no idea why he bounces between playfulness and the world’s shittiest attitude, but you blame it on inheriting Gamzee’s personality.

Kanaya welcomes you to the trailer. Feferi is sitting on the couch folding flyers and sealing envelopes for the church’s tag sale. Momeju lounging in a kiddie pool blowing bubbles. You place Torken’s carrier on the floor and although you open the door, he doesn’t come out. You peek inside and see your son sitting in the corner with his back to the door.

“Oh, he’s _definitely_ Gamzee’s son more than Simham.” Kanaya says.

“It just takes him a while to get used to new places.” You seriously hope Torken isn’t permanently moody. A moody grub molts into an even moodier kit and teenager.  

Momeju sniffs around the carrier. Eventually she climbs inside and Torken yells. The violet grub runs out laughing and Torken chases after her, dripping with water and looking furious.

“ _Momeju_!” Feferi scolds, “I’ve told you not to water pistol people!”

Momeju runs under the couch. Torken is too wary to go after her, so he remains outside, growling at her.  

“What happened?” you ask, looking at your soaked son.

“It’s just something she’s been doing lately.” Feferi kneels next to the couch, reaching under. “She stores water in her cheeks and shoots it. Ah hah! _Got_ _you_!”

The fuchsiablood seizes her daughter. Momeju’s cheeks are puffed out, glaring at her mother. Feferi walks over to Torken and makes Momeju face him.

“Momeju say ‘sorry’.” Feferi says. The violet grub squirms. “Come on. You _know_ how to say ‘sorry’.”

Momeju looks at Torken. Torken glares at her. Then Momeju opens her mouth, spraying more water in his face. Torken hisses, scrubbing at his wet face.  

“Stupid!” Momeju laughs.

“That’s it! You’re going in time out!” Feferi growls.

“No! No no no!” Momeju whines.

Feferi’s version of ‘time out’ is putting Momeju in the corner under a laundry basket stacked with heavy books. Momeju spends five minutes headbutting the basket walls. When that fails, she gives up and mopes instead.

“Aren’t children a delight?” Kanaya chuckles.

“Only because you don’t have your own.” You dry off Torken’s face but he doesn’t stop sulking. You give him a chew toy to distract him. “He’s not the first brownblood to have a miserable interaction with a coldblood.”

“Most certainly. I remember Vriska biting you when you first met.” Kanaya says.

“No, _you_ bit me.” you say, “You bit _everyone_.”

Kanaya licks her fangs. “It’s not my fault I was a little rainbowdrinker. At least I got out of the habit.”

Feferi nervously looks away from her matesprit and you smirk, “Somehow, I doubt that.”

Kanaya works quickly, taking out the hem of the pants so that you can wear them without feeling like you’re being squeezed in half. Torken tires out from chewing and falls asleep.

“So, you’ve had your graduation outfit picked out for a while?” Kanaya asks.

“Yeah...Mom _really_ wanted me to graduate. I think he’ll pass out once I get my diploma.” You exhale, “I still don’t know what I’m going to do. I got my shitty job but there’s _no way_ I want to do it forever.”

You’ve been working at an off-shore factory for the past month. One half of the rig is dedicated to processing algae into fuel (where you work) and the other half processes seafood to be sold in stores. The commute is a pain in the ass and your clothes permanently stink like a dirty, freshwater fish tank.

“Everyone’s prerogative right now is working shitty jobs just to make a living. Have you seen Eridan at 7-11?”

“I have. It’s hilarious.” You feel _slightly_ bad for Eridan looking dead on his feet but it’s also a fitting punishment for doing witchcraft instead of watching his kids. “How’s your job?”

“Looking for a new one.” Kanaya sighs, “My job is fine but it doesn’t have benefits, the pay is mediocre, and business is starting to slow down...” She pauses, “Of course where I’ll work depends if our parents move in together. I’d have to worry less about income in that situation.”

You _really_ don’t want Porrim and your mother to move in together. The trailer is crowded enough with Gamzee, Torken, and your mother. You hope Kanaya moves in with Feferi, but their trailer isn’t spacious either and both fuchsiabloods are opposed to two-story trailers, on the basis of them being ‘unsafe’.

“You could always move to South New Jack.” You joke. Living in South New Jack means you enjoy living in the middle of nowhere surrounded by Altish.  

Kanaya considers it though. “They are trying to build up Reynoso. Homes are already on the market.”

“How do you know that?” Feferi asks.

“The Green Genes were protesting about it downtown when I went to check on my internship at the Agriculture and Forestry Department.” Kanaya says, “I can’t stand them, but they have a point about the environmental aspect.”

“Who cares about a swamp? They’re full of snakes and mosquitoes.” _Venomous_ snakes, you want to add. There’s a reason every Niner can identify rattlesnakes from five feet away.

“ _Tavros_ ,” Kanaya sighs like a tired mother, “wetlands are very important to our ecosystem. They’re a source of fresh water and help with flood control and fish populations.”

You shrug. “Most of the fish we eat comes from factories.”

“Speaking of fish, I should start dinner.” Feferi says. She looks at you, “Want to help me, Tavros?”

You’re not really a ‘cook’ but you’ve been trying to practice. You watch Feferi put on an apron and pull out a tub of catfish from the fridge. She hands you a scaling knife but you just stare at it.

When the truth sinks in, she’s shocked. “You’ve lived in New Jack all your life and you don’t know how to prep a _fish_?”

You shrug. “Usually when we get fish, it came in fillets.”

Feferi rolls her eyes. “That’s the problem with Canzians. All your food comes premade. If this was Leder, you’d be starving.”

This is the first time you’ve heard Feferi discuss the other country. You’ve only read about Leder, the uprising and subsequent civil war in the history books. “Do you...mind talking about it? I tried asking Gamzee but...you know how he gets.”

Feferi nods. “I don’t remember Leder well.” Her eyes narrow as she debones the fish. “What I do remember is the good. I remember our father teaching us to read.” She smiles sadly. “I wish I could help trolls the same way my father did.”

“You are good with people, especially coldbloods. If you can handle your brother, you can handle anyone. Maybe you could become a counselor? Or a nurse?”

“A nurse?” Feferi laughs, “Like _Porrim_?”

“Well, not in the same field. You could handle issues like nutrition and diet.” Feferi was the one who told you how to check for the subtle signs of malnutrition common among ex-felon coldbloods.

“That...” Her eyes widen, “...is a great idea! Tavros!” She pulls you into a hug.

“Careful with the knife!” you say.

“I’m _always_ careful!” Feferi lets go and cleans another catfish, “I don’t think I’d be a good counselor but a nurse would be a great idea. Or a doctor!” She grins. “Maybe I could get a scholarship. I’ll ask Porrim!”

“Good luck.” You snicker.

You wish her luck. Any conversation with Porrim was bound to go south.


	3. the last conversation of senior year

\--gallowsCalibrator created RAINBOW CLUSTERFUCK SENIOR THREAD!--

\--gallowsCalibrator[GC] invited turntechGodhead[TG], gardenGnostic[GG], adiosToreador[AT], caligulasAquarium[CA], apocalypseArisen[AA], twinArmageddons[TA], carcinoGeneticist[CG], centaursTesticle[CT], arsenicCatnip[AC], grimAuxilatrix[GA], and cuttlefishCuller[CC]! --

 

GC: WOOOO! S3N1OR Y34R!

GG: wooot! *throws confetti*

AA: party! 0w0

CG: ABSOLUTELY NOT.

CC: you are no fun! 3>8(

CG: I’M PLENTY FUN, BUT WE ALL HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES. MOST OF US COULDN’T GO TO PROM BECAUSE WE COULDN’T FIND SITTERS.

TG: you didnt even want to go to prom barakat

CG: THAT’S BESIDE THE POINT.

GC: 1 GOT TO GO! >:]

TA: that’2 becau2e your 2on ii2n’t a de2tructiive mon2ter that mo2t 2iitter2 wouldn’t touch wiith a ten foot pole. ii can’t even tru2t ed wiith 2uxxor and dmiitry becau2e he thiink2 everythiing they do ii2 cute. iincludiing wreckiing my 2hiit.

CA: im not the one that lets them wwatch mind rotting reality tvv

TA: ii can only take 2o much educatiional televii2iion before ii go nut2, ed.

TG: can we have one conversation that isnt focused on our offspring

AA: y0ure just mad because y0ur human baby isnt interesting

GG: shes plenty interesting! she said a word!

TG: at least we think it was a word

CG: ARTHAT KNOWS TEN WORDS. SOME OF WHICH ARE FRENCH AND THE OTHERS ARE PROFANITIES AND INSULTS.

GC: TRULY H3 1S TH3 SP4WN OF TH3 PROUD 4ND PROF4N3 S3RK3T 4ND V4NT4S L1N34G3S

AA: party

CG: HELL NO.

AA: i demand a party

AA: n0t 0nly did i have a grub but i maintained my grade average

AA: i deserve alc0h0l and terrible f00d

CA: wwhy am i evven here i dropped out

GC: YOU W3R3 W1TH US UNT1L L4ST M4Y 4ND G3DS COUNT S4M3 4S D1PLOM4S

CA: r-really

CA: you wwant me to be a part of this

CA: youre not just

CA: this isnt a goof right

CG: OH GODS, ERIDAN. IT'S NOT A GOOF. WE MAY BE ASSHOLES BUT THAT’S A WHOLE DIFFERENT LEAGUE OF DICKBAGGERY. YOU'RE ONE OF US. TRY NOT TO GET ALL TEARY EYED ABOUT IT.

CA: im not!!

TA: he ii2.

CA: sol i am gonna get up from this bed and wwalk the two feet to your desk so i can kick you in the head

CC: Speaking of grades, does anyone know w)(o t)(e valedictorian and salutatorian are? I don't t)(ink t)(ey announced it yet. 38/

TG: i thought they did?

AT: i KNOW }>:)

AC: :DD < well, we know its not you or your matesprit.

AT: }>:(

CG: CONSIDERING HOW BALLS TO THE WALL INSANE OUR LIVES HAVE BEEN THIS YEAR, I SERIOUSLY DOUBT ANYONE IN OUR MOTLEY SQUAD HAD THEIR GRADES THAT HIGH. BETWEEN THE CHERUBS, KIDS, AND THEN THAT JANGLES FLU OUTBREAK LAST MONTH...

GG: but only trolls and lizards got sick from that

TG: yeah we were totally fine which is weird because according to everyone my immune system is terrible

CG: IT IS.

GC: YOU N3V3R KNOW

GC: M4YB3 SOM3BODY PULL3D TH31R SH1T TOG3TH3R

GC: SOM3ON3 WHO WORK3D D4Y 4ND N1GHT ON TH31R 3SS4Y 4ND H4S B33N SUCK1NG UP TO 4LL TH3 T34CH3RS...

TA: oh my fuckiing god, terezii. we get iit. you’re valediictoriian. who care2? iit2 all honorary bull2hiit no one care2 about.

GC: 1’M NOT V4L3D1CTOR14N, YOU 2XD1CKH34D!  >:[

AC: :33 < does anyone have the graduation ceremony letter? it should say so there.

CG: UM...NOT REALLY SURE WHERE I PUT MINE.

GG: our house is kind of a cheerios and baby toy filled war zone :/

TG: its like fisher price fallout

TG: and khanie most likely destroyed it as she did with all my socks and bros shirts

AA: themma destr0yed mine

CT: D --> Mine as well

TA: ii thiink miine ii2 iin dmiitry’2 piile of 2hredded magaziine2 and junk maiil. though ii can’t complain 2iince ii gave iit two hiim.

GC: HOLD ON K4NKR1 H4S 1T 1N TH3 F4M1LY 4LBUM

CG: YOU GUYS AREN’T EVEN MIDDLE AGED YET AND YOU ALREADY HAVE A FAMILY ALBUM? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO IN THIRTY YEARS? GET MATCHING LIFE INSURANCES POLICIES AND COFFINS?

GC: OUR F4M1LY 4LBUM 1S 4DOR4BL3! YOU’R3 JUST J34LOUS YOU DON’T H4V3 ON3! >:[

CG: I WOULD IF ARTHAT WOULD TAKE PICTURES WITHOUT TRYING TO BITE MY FACE OFF.

AT: hE’S BETTER OFF WITHOUT IT, kARKAT, mOM HAS TONS OF PICTURES OF EQUIUS AND ME, iT'S EMBARRASSING,

GA: Our Mother Has Three Albums Of Vriska And Myself

CG: HOLY SHIT, KANAYA! I FORGOT YOU WERE HERE!

GA: Well The Important Thing Is That I Didnt Forget I Was Here

GA: You Were Talking At Length About Your Children And It Seemed Rude To Intrude Considering How I Have Nothing To Contribute

TG: is it ironic that you dont have kids

GA: What Do You Mean

TG: i mean youre a jadeblood

TG: arent you like

TG: incredibly maternal and shit  

GA: I Have A Fondness For Children But I Have No Interest In The Pain Time And Money Consumption The Laying Process Would Inflict On My Body And Personal Life

GA: And As For The Feelings Of Maternity Thats Subjective And Mired In A Human Cultural Narrative As Alternians Have No True Equivalent

GA: You Could Argue That My Father Who Identifies As Female Is More Paternal As She Prefers To Sire Children Rather Than Lay Them

GA: Instead Of Saying Maternal Versus Paternal It Would Be More Accurate To Say Siring And Laying Preferences Some Trolls Are Built For It While Others Are Not

CG: THANK YOU, PORRIM, FOR THAT DIATRIBE ON TROLL GENDER IDENTITIES. WE ARE NOW COMPLETELY OFF TOPIC.

AA: back 0n t0pic then

AA: PARTY!

CG: NO!

AA: 0n0

AA: if pesterchum all0wed f0r accented letters id figure 0ut h0w t0 make that an angry face

GA: Dave Was The One Who Got Us Off Topic

TG: color me mister curious about troll culture

CG: YOU CAN ALWAYS ASK ME, DINGUS.

TG: but kanaya puts things a lot more eloquently than you ever could its like listening to neil degrasse tyson tell me about science stuff

GG: i think its neat from a biological aspect! :D

GA: We Should Definitely Talk More Often Jade

GG: yessssss!! 8D

TG: oh god  

GA: But To Return To The Topic I Have The Aforementioned Graduation Letter

GA: According To The Letter The Listing For Valedictorian And Salutatorian Is TBA Which Means They Must Still Be Calculating The Averages  

CG: OH COME THE FUCK ON!

AC: ://< this late in the game and they still can’t figure it out?

GG: way to go ps 341 9_9 *slow clap*

GC: SCHOOL BO4RD YOU H4D *ON3 JOB*

GA: I Suppose That Is The Quality Pamphlet You Get From The State Who Is Last In Education

TA: <http://imgur.com/j75vIc8>

CC: <http://www.drodd.com/images13/fail-gif3.gif>

AT: <http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/4583630/epic-fail-o.gif>

GC: [https://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/62.gif?w=500&h=357](https://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/62.gif?w=500&h=357)

TG: <http://i.imgur.com/Xo1QLmJ.gif>

CG: STRIDER, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

TG: i thought we were posting internet memes?

CG: NO, DAMNIT!  

CT: <http://soepic.net/stor/items/0ededf8e59adb507d.gif>

CT: D --> I don’t think I’m doing this memeing thing correctly

AT: wHAT EVEN IS THAT, iS THAT SPIDERMAN,

AT: wHY DOES HE LOOK WEIRD,

CT: D --> I don’t know Gamzee sent it to me

AC: ://< don’t post things gamz33 sends to you. you don’t want to get arrested.    

CC: 3>8[

CG: WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING? WE'RE JUST POSTING STUPID GIFS.

TA: <http://57.media.tumblr.com/ecd8daa4819065838a6c3c881fed0cb0/tumblr_ndkjj4dyfk1rtcfaqo1_400.gif>

CG: ...IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE ME?!

TA: maybe.

CG: WHEN DID YOU EVEN MAKE THIS?

TA: whiile you were complaiiniing.

TG: well its true what they say

TG: <http://49.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m57z2o1cNq1rtcfaqo1_250.gif>

TG: we meme the ones we love

CG: BITE ME, STRIDER. AND CAPTOR? I WILL END YOU.

TA: you wii2h, kk.

AA: y0u kn0w what we c0uld be talking ab0ut

CG: DON’T YOU SAY IT.

AA: party

CG: GODS FUCKING DAMN IT.

GC: W3 COULD H4V3 4 SM4LL G4TH3R1NG 4ND 1T C4N B3 OV3R WH3N TH3 K1DS F4LL 4SL33P

GC: W3’V3 B33N THROUGH 4 LOT TH3 P4ST Y34R W3 D3S3RV3 4 BR34K

CG: LOOK, MEGIDO. YOU’VE BROKEN THE UNBREAKABLE. YOU’VE BECOME THE FULL-BLOWN SHYAMALAN. LOOK UPON YOUR WORKS AND DESPAIR. 

AA: PARTY

CT: D --> she’s been e%cited about this for a while

AT: oH, rEALLY? tOTALLY COULDN'T TELL, bRO,

AT: tHANKS FOR CLUING US IN ON THAT SUBTLE LOOK INTO YOUR MATESPRIT'S AND MY MOIRAIL’S RUSTBLOOD MIND,

AA: W00H00! PARTY!

 

You are _so_ not looking forward to this.


	4. the last night of senior year

**== >Be Sollux stressed out because the next day is graduation **

You refuse to be stressed out about a meaningless ceremony. You’re more chill than the Condesce sitting on an iceberg and dedicate the evening to hanging with KK, trying to see how many glitches you can cause at once in Jazz Jackrabbit Boom.

“I mean, I like the kid but she’s so _loud_ and _messy_.” Karkat says, “Grubs are only obnoxious for a year and then they’re basically grown. Do you know human babies don’t get toilet trained until they’re two or even _three?_ Can you _imagine_ that? _Three_ _years_ of changing diapers? It’s like a nightmare or a cruel joke on the entire species!”

“KK, you’re forgetting I have to change litter boxes,” you say, “and kits aren’t that grown. They’re still dumb little kids. Remember that time you ate all that government peanut butter?”

“Don’t remind me. Kankri still tells that story— _ow!_ ” Karkat glares at the yellow grub chewing on his foot. “What is it with grubs and attacking my feet?”

“Hey! Get off him, Suxxor!” Suxxor growls and refuses to move. Karkat pauses the game so he can pry the yellow grub off. You sigh, “I think he’s mad you didn’t bring Khanie.”

“Not my fault Khanie is hanging with her Dads.” Karkat places Suxxor in his lap. Suxxor sits there pouting but seems too comfortable in Karkat’s lap. Lucky bastard. “Why do you think Aradia wants us to have a party so bad? She’s not a party maniac like Terezi or Vriska.”

“I think she wants to see us all before we go our separate ways.”

“What are you talking about?”

“People always split up after high school. They go away to college or move to get better jobs. They meet new people and find new interests. They change and they drift apart. Even John and Dave are already drifting.”

You definitely don’t want to stay in the Ninth Ward.

“That’s different.” Karkat says, “Something happened between them.”

“Like what?” Karkat looks away. “KK, c’mon. I’m your best friend and you can’t tell me what went down?” You smirk, “Did you catch them fucking?”

“No!” Karkat says, flustered, “Why does _everyone_ think John and Dave had an awkward fuck?”

Karkat waits for an answer, and you look away. All you can think of is that one insane, irresponsible night with Karkat. You’ve never stopped thinking about it, even when you were with Feferi. It felt so...unreal, but Karkat doesn’t seem to dwell on it.

Or maybe he’s not into short, skinny, bipolar trolls who are up to their horns in family drama, debt, and emotional baggage.

“Sollux?” Karkat’s voice brings you out of your self-pity spiral. “You alright?”

His eyes are filled with platonic love and concern. Gods, you want to kiss him.

“Just a lot going on.” you say, “Do you...think we’ll stop being friends?”

Karkat smiles. “Never.”

Shit, he’s so _cute_ when he smiles. You wish you were the same irresponsible person that you were in Darkleer Manor. _He’d_ have no problem working up the nerve to kiss Karkat. Instead, you look at the TV. “Hey, the font menus are glitched. How much did they work on this game?”

“Not much. The cut scenes look like storyboards.” Karkat laughs.

When Karkat leaves an hour later, you put Suxxor to bed in his tiny recuperacoon. Dmitry is already asleep, drooling as he lays in the sopor. You hope the boys stay asleep until dawn. Now that Eridan is working nights, you have to listen out for the boys. You always panic when they wake up in the middle of the night. Eridan has the magic touch with the boys while you fumble with your meager soothing skills.

“I give your dialogue a six out of ten but an overall failing grade since you still haven’t made your move.” Your mother coughs from the doorway.

Your mother is wearing one of her old shirts that are now two sizes too big for her. Her horns are shedding back to a healthy red-orange-gold glow and her hair is starting to grow again.

“I’m not rushing into anything.” You say.

“You’re not moving _at_ _all_ from my perspective.” Latula snickers, “Even a snail would be like ‘damn, son, you need to speed up!’.”

“Were you watching us?” You can never avoid a conversation about quadrants with your mother. Her nosiness has tripled since she left the hospital.

“I peeked at you but decided not to interrupt in case you went to town on Karkat’s curvy body.”

Post-molt Karkat’s body is a blessing and a curse: nice to look at but too intimidating to initiate more-than-platonic touches. Once Karkat starts working out more, you’ll begin the quick descent into sexy troll hell.

“You make it sound like I’m a pervert.” You say with false outrage.

“ _You_ make it sound like your kinks are a secret.” Latula raises an eyebrow. “What are you waiting for?”

“Maybe for us to be _alone_?” you grumble, “When my parents aren’t eavesdropping and my son isn’t staring at me?”

“We only eavesdrop because we care.” Latula says, “And maybe your son’s presence will remind you to put a condom on?”

You use your psionics to throw a pillow at Latula, but your mother swerves out of the way laughing. Her laugh isn’t as nasal as Terezi’s witch-like cackle but its just as obnoxious. You go through your inbox, sorting through spam, acceptance letters, spam masquerading as acceptance letters, and for-profit colleges pestering you. You only work for ten seconds before your attention fails you.

You give up for the night. The emails aren’t going anywhere. It’ll be easier tomorrow.  


	5. the problem of john egbert

**== >Sollux: Be Dave a few hours into the past **

You’re driving around the block with a crying baby in the backseat. Why is there a crying baby in your backseat? Well, twelve months ago a condom broke and here you are. Why are you driving with the baby? Because she won’t stop crying and you’ve tried everything else and Bro said long drives calmed you down.

Jade wanted to come; she _really_ did but she’s more exhausted than you are. After having Nessie, she poured her heart into work and school. She was in tears when her GPA dropped two points. _Two freaking points_ and she had a huge meltdown. You have no idea how to comfort her either; your grades have _never_ been stellar but you don’t freak out about it. So you watch Nessie while Jade studies and works.

After thirty minutes, Nessie falls asleep and, by some miracle, _stays_ asleep. You return to the trailer and carefully take her out the car seat. When you open the door, the smell of cumin and onions hit you. The couch is folded out and Jade is sleeping on it. Rose sits in a chair next to her.

“What are _you_ doing here?” you ask.

Rose frowns. “You haven’t talked to me in almost a month and that’s the first thing you say?”

You shut the door behind you. “I’ve had a lot going on.”

“I came here to see _you_ ,” Rose says, “and Jade was exhausted so I made her dinner. I think she needs more vitamin D...”

Nice to know that Jade and Rose are still talking but that doesn’t mean _you_ have to. You carry your daughter to her bedroom, place Nessie in her crib, turn on the baby monitor, and shut the door. When you step into the hall, Rose is waiting for you.  

“There some reason you’re stalking me?” you ask.

“You won’t talk to me otherwise.” Rose sighs, “Dave, I need to talk to you about John.”

“I don’t care.” You try to walk around Rose but she blocks your path.

“You’re a terrible liar. Of _course_ you care. This was the person you let stay under your roof when his home was ruined by something _I_ caused.”  

“Your guilt isn’t my guilt.” Rose opens her mouth and you hold up your hand. “John was my friend for _years_ but that doesn’t mean I want his bullshit around me _or_ my kid. When he gets clean, I’ll talk to him. Until then, I don’t want to be bothered. You should do the same.”

 _“Stop it!”_ Rose snaps, “Stop treating me like I’m a naïve idiot who doesn’t see John for what he is. I’m not his _mother._ ”

Her eyes aren’t full of hopeless love. They’re clear, seized by logic.  

“ _Listen_ to me, Dave: he’s become a different _person_.” Rose says, voice firm and commanding, “I know John is...friends...with Vriska, so I talked to her. Vriska is a liar and a cheat, but she cares about him as much as I do. She said John’s behavior changed after the situation with the Cherubs.”

Gods, you hate what people call it. ‘The situation with the Cherubs’ or ‘the November incident’ or that stupid conspiracy theorist bait term ‘the Night of Bullets’. They never call it what it truly was: ‘the night we were all almost murdered’.

“What do you want me to do about it?” you growl, “I can’t go back in time--”

“Dave, when you met John during that night…how badly was he hurt?”

Her eyes are wet. The morose look in her eyes say, _Did I do this to him?_

“It...” You sigh,“...it was a crazy night, Rose. A lot happened.”

“Dave, please tell me.” Rose whispers, “I can handle the truth.”

 _No, you can’t,_ you want to say because Rose has enough on her shoulders. You want to hold her like a brother and shield her. You want her to leave John so that his problems won’t drag her into his self-destructive spiral.

“He hit his head.”

You look over Rose’s shoulder. Jade stands in the hall, with messy dreadlocks hanging in front of her face.

Rose turns from you. “What?”

“It...it’s true.” You murmur, “John was hit on the back of the head. He fell asleep for a long time, but we figured it was exhaustion and stress. I thought those people did X-rays on him.”  

Rose shakes her head. “I don’t know. Those people...”

You hesitate to say their names, as if that would summon them back to your neighborhood. The black coats. Those strange trolls that came from nowhere and after that bloody night, returned to nowhere.

“They were more worried about Jane and Jake since they were in the worst condition.” Jade says, “Unless John had a follow up with his physician, there could be something else going on.” She shrugs.

Rose bows her head. “Thank you, Jade. For being honest with me.”

“It’s no big deal but seriously: John should get his act together.” Jade says, “I’d hate to lose him as a friend but...”

Rose nods. “I understand. I’d hate to lose him too.”

There’s nothing else to say. Rose leaves the trailer and you sit on the couch next to Jade. Jade stares at the TV but it’s only playing infomercials about the latest weight loss scheme.

“You shouldn’t have said anything.” You say, “You should’ve let her--”

“Leave John?” Jade asks. “You know that’s never going to happen. Rose will only break up with John when she stops loving him.” She swallows. “And maybe...she has a point.”

“A point about what? _Denial_?”

“Have you ever considered that John _won’t_ get help because you’re judgmental?”

“So I’m supposed to stand by and watch him destroy himself? I’m supposed to be okay with an addict hanging around my daughter?”

“ _Our_ daughter,” Jade growls, “and no, I’m not telling you to tolerate it but you could be _understanding_. His mother was almost _murdered_ that night, Dave!”

“Why are you defending John so much? You didn’t want him around Nessie either!”

“That’s because I’m her _mother_ , Dave! I want _the world_ to be safe for her, but I can also worry about one of my best friends! You won’t even _talk_ to him!  You just shoved him aside!”

“I did it for _you_! You threatened to throw Karkat out if he didn’t learn to be around Nessie!”

Jade rolls her eyes. “Gods, it _always comes back to that…_ ”

“Because I can’t wrap my head around it! And I feel shitty threatening to toss him out when he originally stayed here because it was _safe_.”

“You _always_ put him before me!” Jade’s teeth are clenched.

“That’s not true. You _know_ that’s not true.” Shit, when did this turn into an argument about your relationship?

“Then how come you never asked me to move in with you?” Jade looks at the floor, blinking back tears. “You shield Karkat from everything but you don’t ask _the mother of your child_ to move in with you? You only fooled around with me to get back at Karkat, didn’t you? Is there enough room for me in your heart?”

You never asked Jade to move in not because you didn’t love her, but because you thought she liked her independence. She never seemed to lean on you for support, emotional or otherwise. Still, you can’t say that when she looks so upset. You put your arm around her.

“If there’s enough room for Bro, Jake, Rose, and Nessie, then there’s enough room for you and Karkat.” You say.

Jade sighs. “I’m sorry...I’m just tired and stressed. I think I’ll call it a night.”

Jade stands but you hold onto her hand. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Jade smiles. “Perfectly fine!”

You don’t believe a word of it. “Okay.”

Jade retreats to the bedroom, but you remain on the pull-out couch. You can’t sleep and not just because summer in New Jack is like sitting on one of the hottest islands in Hell. You fan yourself with a newspaper since you’re trying to cut down on the electricity bill. At eleven o’ clock, Karkat walks through the door.

The mutantblood wipes sweat off his forehead and looks at you. “What’re you still doing up?”

You shrug. “Not sleepy. I thought you were spending the night with Sollux?”

“Nah.” Karkat sits next to you, taking off his sandals. “You’re not nervous about tomorrow are you?”

“No.” With all the other shit going on, graduation is the least of your concerns. “Hey...do you think I’m judgmental?”

“...no.”

“Karkat.”

“I don’t think it! I mean. Well--”

“Seriously, Karkat. Tell me if I’m judgmental.”

“You’re not judgmental!” Karkat insists. “I don’t think ‘judgmental’ fits you. You’re more of a...steamroller: you feel _really_ strongly about things and its _really_ hard to change your opinion.” The mutantblood wrings his hands. “It’s not a _bad_ thing to have strong convictions.”

Your already crappy mood sinks to the pit of misery. “I think I fucked up though.”

Your best friend may have crying for help and you pushed him away.

“Dave...” Karkat’s claws run down your neck. You squirm as the sensation tickles your spine. “You know how Nessie keeps trying to feed herself and makes a mess each time?”

“Of course I know. _I’m_ the one who has to clean it up.” Your daughter’s adorable but she has no idea what in the hell she’s doing. It’s like living with a tiny, drunk adult.

“But you can’t stop her because she _has_ to learn how to eat. Yeah, its messy and I’m sure this couch is ninety percent Cheerios, but all those mistakes build into a skill. That never stops happening when you get older. It just changes form. The important thing is that you realize your mistake.” 

You look at your mutantblood. “Thanks, Troll Yoda. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Karkat smirks. “I think I’m less vindictive than Yoda and not as indifferent as the rest of the Jedi Council.”

You throw a pillow at his head. “You are a _nerd_!”

Karkat catches the pillow and leans in, kissing you. When you first started dating (if you could call it that), Karkat was the worst kisser in the world. He was all teeth and more about trying to maul you. Now he’s learned skill.

“I’m _your_ nerd.” the mutantblood says with a sultry purr.

You lay back, propping yourself up with your elbows. “You know how much that voice makes me want you to fuck me into next week, right?”

“Oh, I _know_.” Karkat climbs on top of you and unzips your jeans. His red eyes stare ahead, burning hot holes into your flesh.


	6. the next choices for tomorrow are...

**== >Be Karkat during graduation **

 

You don’t wear anything special for the ceremony. Your hair refuses to be brushed into any recognizable style and it’s too hot to wear formal wear under your giant robe. You’re half awake as you pile into the car because—thanks to New Jack’s lovely tourism related traffic—you have to leave two hours early for decent parking. Despite this, you end up walking two blocks from the parking garage to the civic center.

Your school doesn’t have the room to hold the ceremony on its grounds, so they’re sharing the civic center with schools number 311 through 314. The school boards said grouping them together was a way to save money, but locals know the real reason is so the graduate classes won’t appear so empty. Still, the gap is obvious once you’re with the other PS 314 graduates. Not even half your class is present.

You enter a row of folded chairs, listening to the boring graduation music echo through the stadium. You sit between Sollux and Terezi, fiddling with your iHusk and wishing for time to accelerate. The first speaker is an old human guy. You have no idea who he is or what he’s talking about. All you know is that he’s here to eat up an hour of your time.

Terezi nudges you. “Can you see Kankri? I’m good as blind with all this noise and people.”

You look behind you. The stadium is packed full of so many people that they seem to melt together. Some are waving and cheering, but you can’t distinguish their voices or faces.

“There’s too many people.” You say.

“Is it weird that most of this class is just _us_?” Sollux asks.

“Well, we’re not all cluttered together either.” Vriska points at the scattershot groupings of your friends and family in other rows.

You smirk. “Not bad for trailer trash, huh? 15 out of 16 isn’t bad.”

“Holy shit!” Dave gasps in front of you. Some people shush him but Dave ignores them, turning around in his seat. “Did anyone look at the commencement program?”

“Uh, no.” The commencement program is congested with listings for four schools along with a schedule of who was speaking. You didn’t bother reading it because you don’t care.

“Jade is in here!” Dave points to his program. “ _Jade’s_ a valedictorian!”

“What?” You open your program but finding Harley is a chore. The schools have grouped their academic administration, faculty, staff, teachers, and ushers together. The students are listed afterwards in alphabetical order with accolades following their name. After flipping through pages for three minutes, you find the list of valedictorians and salutatorians. Listed under P.S. 311 among the other three valedictorians: Jade Harley. “He’s right!”

“Jade is valedictorian? Why didn’t she say anything?” Feferi asks.

“Where is she?” Dave looks around. You look through the crowd and see Harley sitting further ahead with Tavros and Aradia. You can also make out Gamzee, who gave up attempting to fit the graduation cap over his hair.

You look through the list and see another name you didn’t expect. “Terezi, you’re a salutatorian?”

“Huh?” Terezi pauses and then laughs, “Oh yeah! I totally forgot.”

Sollux slaps his forehead. “You _forgot_?”

Terezi frowns. “Hey, I had a crazy year. I had two kids, a sweet but emotionally fragile matesprit, and our Mom almost died. I’ve been _frazzled_!I was so delirious this morning I forgot to wear a bra. Good thing no one can tell under this robe.” She pauses. “...until I said it out loud.”

“Another proud milestone for the Pyropes...” Vriska sighs.

“Bite me, Serket!” Terezi hisses.

Sollux looks at the stage. “Is this dude done talking yet?”

“It’s a different old dude now.” Dave tries to laugh but anyone with eyes can tell he’s irritated by Jade not telling him about her award.

You lean forward and nip his ear.

Dave smirks. “One last kiss before graduating?”

You grin and kiss him, prodding his mouth with your tongue. Dave leans into the kiss, letting your tongues tangle. A woman sitting in the aisle coughs but you ignore her. You’re _never_ seeing them again after today.

There’s another speaker. Maybe it’s the mayor’s aid or some CEO, but they don’t talk long. Then your principal starts announcing diplomas as the vice principal hands them out. Since it’s in alphabetical order, you have to wait especially long. (Thanks for nothing, English alphabet.) Out of all three schools, you’re one of four Vantases.

Your diploma is handed to you in a leather case. Inside is a gold foil medal and your name in fancy old-fashioned letters, with signatures from your principal and vice-principal. When you walk back to your seat, the vice-principal is doing the closing ceremony. You’re not paying any attention. Your eyes are on your diploma.

 _Karkat Vantas. High school graduate._ Your stomach flutters. You’re officially an adult and not just in the legal sense. Yeah, diplomas don’t matter but you have something no one else in your family has achieved. You survived the worst year of your life but it never felt _real_ until this moment.

“KK, are you alright?” Sollux whispers.

“Huh?” you sniff.

“You’re crying.”

You look at your best friend and scrub away the tears. “I-I’m fine...”

Sollux smiles and puts his arm around your shoulder. “Hey, I won’t tell.”

You smile back. You never expected a troll with an entrenched cynical view to be compassionate; teasing maybe but not such outright _sweetness_.

“Who are you and what have you done with Sollux Captor?” you snicker.

“I can be nice too!” Sollux huffs, “And...you know...I just...” He hesitates, “…I never said this before but…I would do _anything_ for you.”

You already knew that, but you would feel like an asshole saying it. “Same to you.”

Sollux nods but looks unhappy. He opens his mouth but applause explodes around you. Some graduates stand, tossing their caps into the air. You watch the flight of the caps, the stray strands of confetti, and listen to the joy around you. There’s a warmth in your heart and you feel like crying again. You breathe in slowly and head down the aisle, moving toward your family.

Sollux gives you one last look before he rejoins his family as well.

Your mother hugs you, saying you’re a champ for making it this far. Karcin hands you an envelope that you know from the size and weight is a graduation card. Mom definitely picked it out but you pat Karcin on the head anyway, thanking him. The kit grunts. His eyes are on the ground but his face reddens.

“I’m so proud of you, Karkat.” Kankri says. His eyes are watery and he nervously strokes the bag containing, holding Kempie and Astrid’s egg. “I...I know I’ve been a terrible parent and I know you don’t like me a-and I deserve that but...but I...”

You sigh and open your arms. “Kankri, shut up and hug me.”

Kankri nods and wraps his arms around you. You can’t remember the last you genuinely hugged him, or even allowed him into your personal space when you weren’t feeling vulnerable.

 

 

“I love you so much, Karkat,” he whispers, “I’m so proud of you. And I know that he would be too.”

“I’m proud of you too.” You whisper back. 

Kankri’s eyes are wide with disbelief but you smile back. If Kankri could cry harder, he would. He releases you and pats you on the shoulder in a warm, maternal manner. With that one touch and the anger toward Kankri partially evaporates. It still exists—in thick, hard fragments—but it won’t trouble either of you for now.

 

The party at SHEV is small but you’re fine with that. There was no realistic way for you to fit everyone you know in the trailer anyway. Vriska is minimizing her time in the Ninth Ward by visiting her mother. Feferi can’t be around Dmitry so she’s hanging with her creepy brother/moirail. Tavros stops by with Torken since he needs to be “socialized”. Sollux arrives with Eridan, Dmitry, and Suxxor because he needs to be distracted by Khanie.

Suxxor and Khanie...you have no idea what’s going on with them. It’s impossible to tell if they’re friends or enemies since their brains are the size of strawberries. They play their usual game of chasing each other and biting feet. The less other grubs are watching a CGI kid’s movie full of pop culture references they don’t understand, terrible music, and bright colors.

“What do you think goes on in Khanie and Suxxor’s heads when they hide under things?” you ask Sollux. You’re sharing the couch with him, watching out for Khanie’s usual brand of mischief.

“I bet its just their brains thinking there’s predators around.” Sollux says.

Suxxor runs out from under the couch shrieking. Khanie chases after him, snapping her teeth. The yellow grub immediately runs at Eridan, squeaking. Khanie hides under a chair, looking at you.

Eridan bends down to pick up his oldest child. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

“Odds are Khanie bit him again.” Sollux looks at his son. “That’s what you get for playing with Pyropes. They’re _biters_. _All_ of them.”

“Khanie’s not a Pyrope. She’s an English.” You say and although its true, your stomach tightens for some reason.

“Sol, be more sympathetic!” Eridan kisses Suxxor’s tiny claw. “There, there. All better.”

Sollux rolls his eyes. “Watch, KK. In ten seconds Dmitry is going to want attention too. ED’s turning our sons into attention whores.”

“He’s just affection. I’d be the same as Eridan if…”

You stop. You don’t want to say it because reality is growling at you from under a chair.

“You could always have more kids, KK.” Sollux pauses. “If you felt like it. Or if you met the right person. Or, y’know, you could not do that. Just do what’ll make you happy.”

As cute as Sollux is when he’s babbling, you wonder what the hell is going on with him. He’s been twitchy all day. At first you thought it was graduation nerves, but it seems to have only gotten worse.

“You had something to tell me earlier?” you ask.

“What? Oh, yeah...” Sollux fiddles with his fingers. “I dunno. Forget it. It’s…not a big deal, y’know?”

You sigh. “Sollux, you don’t have to treat me like I’m made of glass. You can tell me whatever’s on your mind.”

“Seriously, KK, there’s not a problem.”

Oh, he’s _definitely_ hiding something and your mood turns from tolerant to genuinely annoyed. You’ve had a lifetime’s worth of dealing with secrets. Sollux is your friend but you’re not going to play mental charades with him. You get up from the couch under the pretense of getting more pizza but head outside. The trailer is cramped with too many people for your mood.

Outside, the night air is warm and full of New Jack’s large and incredibly bright variety of Eastern fireflies. It’s also full of enough mosquitoes to terrorize a small army but the citronella torches keep most of them at bay. Kanaya and Terezi sit outside in plastic chairs.

“—can’t believe you didn’t get a _sash_ or a colored tassel.” Kanaya says.

Terezi shrugs. “You know how people are: they _hate_ giving trolls praise and most of the valedictorians and salutatorians were trolls.” She rolls her eyes. “They say they’re doing it in the interest of not making anyone feel bad, but everyone knows the truth. I’ve never given a flying fuck about what they think. I already have the internship at Barrat Farren  & Webber.” She grins wickedly. “They can shove the award right back up their ass.”

Terezi is smiling too hard though and her teeth are tightly clenched. You estimate that she’ll be in need of a pale session in two to three days. If she doesn’t ask you, you’ll ‘drop by’. You’re pale as sugar for her, but she can be stubborn about needing help.

You lean against the trailer wall and look into the yard. It’s neater these days, preened for poison ivy and sharp rocks so Nessie can crawl without fear. The picnic table has been replaced by a circular one with chairs. Jade sits at the table with her back to the trailer.

“What’s Jade doing?” you whisper to Kanaya.

Kanaya looks at you and shrugs. “I don’t know. She was here when I came out here.”

Terezi shrugs. “She didn’t come over, so maybe she wants space?”

Maybe, but if you want peace in the trailer, you can’t ignore this. You walk over to Jade and pick up the sound of sniffling. You stand next to her and see  there’s a small pile of used tissue in front of her and another one balled up in her hand.

“Harley, what are you doing out here?” you ask.

Jade looks at you. Her eyes are bloodshot and tear trails run down her face. “Oh. Hey.” She wipes her face, “Just getting some fresh air.”

You sit next to her. “I know the feeling.”

Jade nods. She looks out into the distance, eyes unfocused and glossed over with sadness.

“So...” You’re treading on thin ice here, so it’s best to start off casual, “...Dave and you haven’t been getting along lately. I thought it was the stress of having a baby but now I think it’s something else.”

Jade looks away. “Let me guess: you want to know why I didn’t tell anyone I was valedictorian?”

“Obviously.”

Jade shrugs. “Same as anyone: because it doesn’t matter.”

“You can’t think that. Not after how much you stress out over your grades.”  

“I never _cared_ about school.” Jade sighs. “Grandpa was the one who wanted me to do well...” The tears start falling again. “I didn’t really want him to be proud of me as much as I just wanted him to be _happy_. He always seemed so sad. I thought getting valedictorian may make him smile...but he’s gone and...it’s my fault. Maybe if I had stayed home, I could have stopped him or protected him.. _._ ”

You brush a mosquito off her shoulder before resting your hand there.

“What happened wasn’t your fault.” You say, “Your grandfather...well, he was like _my_ grandfather. He was old fashioned and wanted what _he_ thought was best for you. He may not be here, but I think he’d definitely be happy.”

Jade isn’t smiling but there’s less misery in her eyes. “...I’m sorry I tried to throw you out. I should’ve trusted you with Nessie.”

You shake your head. “No, you had a point. I didn’t know how to handle a baby and the class was helpful.” You smirk. “I know how to cook better than _you_ now.”

Finally a smile breaks out on Jade’s face. “Not in a hundred years you’ll out cook me. I’ll make Dave the judge.”

You laugh. “He won’t choose. He’d rather go into a food coma.”

Nessie’s crying enters the yard. You turn in your chair and see Dave walking over, carrying the fussy human baby.

Jade smiles and takes the baby as he hands her over. “Hey, sweetie. You miss Mommy?” Nessie hiccups, looking at her.

Dave sits on the other side of Jade. “I don’t know why she started acting fussy again. She was fine for most of the day.”

The baby yawns and shuts her eyes, resting her head on Jade’s chest. Jade kisses the top of Nessie’s head. “It’s been a long day.” She looks at Dave. “Thanks for watching her.” 

Dave shrugs. “It’s not a big deal. Bro took care of me.” He smiles, “Striders are born fathers. “

Jade and you exchange a look. Neither of you like the quality of Dave’s childhood, but you’ve both made your peace with it.

You get up from the table. “I better head back. Suxxor always finds a way to get tangled in the wires behind the TV.”

You won’t say you’re leaving them alone because they need to have a heart to heart. When you return inside, the party is packing up. The kids are either asleep or whining because they’re exhausted. Sollux is holding onto Suxxor, who is chewing his father’s fingers and glaring at Dmitry. Khanie is sleeping under the couch that Sollux and Eridan are sitting on. You reach under the couch and scoop her up.

You smile at Sollux. “She’s definitely out of it if she hasn’t woken up and bitten me yet.”

Sollux nods. You wait for him to say what’s on his mind, but he leaves just as he would any other party. You’re disappointed, but can’t explain _why._

Once the trailer is empty, you help clean up—putting away leftover food and extra chairs, wiping up crumbs and stains on the tables. If you’re lucky, you can stretch the leftovers until Dave’s next paycheck.

You’re relieved when you get to bed. It’s too hot in the living room, and the bedroom has two fans going. Yeah, its crowded and your skin keeps fusing to Jade because of the humidity and sweat, but you’re relatively cool. The window is cracked open, letting in fresh air through the mosquito sheet stapled over it.

A phone is ringing. Your consciousness makes a note of it but you don’t. The bed shifts and Dave grunts. You hear the _click_ of the phone being picked up.  

“You have any idea what time it is?” Dave grumbles. “Vriska? Why are you calling? Karkat’s asleep...”

Your ex’s name shakes the remaining sleep from your body. You sit up, wiping drool from your chin. “W-what’s going on?”

Dave isn’t paying you any attention. “What? Wait, slow down.” Another pause and then, “ _What?_ Did you call 911? Damn it, Vriska! Call 911! Tell the EMTs what happened and they’ll cover for you! _Yes, I’m fucking sure!_ ”

You blink rapidly, letting your eyes adjust to the bedroom’s darkness. It’s not even close to dawn. The backyard porch light is flickering, shining an unstable yellow light through the window. Jade’s eyes are still shut but from her mutters and twitches, you know she’s close to waking.

Dave sits on the edge of the bed, trying to hold it together. “Sorry. Sorry, this is just...holy shit. I’ll meet you at the hospital.” Dave ends the call and starts dialing, but his fingers are trembling. The phone slips out of his hand, hitting the floor. _“Shit!”_

A wail comes from Nessie’s room. Jade slides out of bed, rubbing her eyes as she stumbles to the door. Dave’s breathes heavier and he lies on the bed, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Easy, Strider. Easy. Breathe.” You stroke his cheek. He’s trembling under you fingers. “Dave, look at me. Breathe in slow. Easy now...”

Dave is looking at you but still mumbling “It’s my fault. It’s all my fault-”

“Easy. Count your breathes. 1 and 2. 1 and 2...”

You keep repeating until the rise and fall of his chest slows down. You keep stroking his face. When Dave is calm, he sputters, “John. John’s not waking up. Vriska called because she thought he OD’d. I told her to call 911.” His eyes widen. “Oh gods, what if he dies?”

“You don’t know that. Let’s not get ahead of yourself.” You say, not able to completely disregard the possibility.

Jade returns to the bedroom, now holding her fussy daughter. “John’s in the hospital?” Dave rests his face in his hands and nods. Jade carefully balances Nessie in her arms as she bends down and picks up the phone. “I’ll call Rose.”

“T-thanks...” Dave covers his face and continues to breathe.

Sonny is resting on your pile of crumpled clothes. You shoo the lusus off and pull them on, dusting off the pale scales, as he’s been shedding nonstop. You leave the bedroom to go put on your sandals. High school may be over but the night surely isn’t.  


End file.
